3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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