Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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