She's JV to your varsity
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
