walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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