thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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