my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
there is glitter all over my balls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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