Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
