Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
