I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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