Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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