it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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