I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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