Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
