Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
