Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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