genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
