I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hippo gnu deer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
