He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
