peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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