What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
