he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
