I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
