I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
