went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
