There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
