why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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