Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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