Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
