just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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