I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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