I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
