Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
