it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
