trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
