mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
