mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
