Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
