did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
