its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
