Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
