RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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