im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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