Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
