I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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