Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize