I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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