I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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