im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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