is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
