DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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