At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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