YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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