So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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