my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
