well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
