and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
