I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
