Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize