Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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