Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
