i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
