He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
