you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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