i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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