wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
