I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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