we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
