im about as happy as oj after his trial
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
