Can Purell be used as lube?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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