if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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