we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
