Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
