"it" just moved
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
