Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
