Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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