I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
