What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
