.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
