The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
