It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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