Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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