I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
