why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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