**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
